What to do with the Mary Sues?
by rosehill
Summary: Oneshot. How the GF characters deal with the Mary Sue menace.
1. Chapter 1

Synopsis: oneshot. How the GF characters deal with the Mary Sue menace.

Disclaimer: the animated show "Galactik Football" doesn't belong to me. I'm not making any money with this fic so please, don't sue me.

_What to do with the Mary Sues_

**Shiloe**

It was a normal night on Shiloe. Most people were sleeping in their spaceships; some were still working, exchanging or repairing what they had stolen. Everything was quiet.

Suddenly, sirens were heard! _Alert! Mary Sue! Alert! Mary Sue! Alert! Mary Sue! _Everyone left their beds and took their weapons. It was quite unusual for them as Pirates usually never took weapons with them, except the occasional sleeping device. They wanted everyone to know that they were actually more fair-play and pacific than the Technoïd but a Mary Sue was much more dangerous than the Technoïd. It was the worst thing you could imagine.

Artie spot her first. She was crying at the corner of a street, her magnificent emerald hair falling down her snow white body, and her crying made her even more beautiful. "Please", she said, "Bleylock has been using me as a slave for fifty years, but I know how we can get rid of him! You just have to…" She never finished her sentence. A random pirate shot her and she fell down.

Sonny Blackbone was about to have a closer look at her but Corso held him back. If she was not completely dead yet, she could still resurrect in the arms of the charismatic leader, make a sentimental speech and kiss him, and die, and resurrect again, blah, blah, blah… While Artie was wondering how she could have been a slave for 50 years even though she didn't look older than 16, they all shot her in turn and went back to their homes.

"We have to do something", Corso said to his leader shortly after. "This is the fifth this month. It's getting worse and worse."

"We can't kill the Mary Sues" Sonny said. "Unless…" His pirate instinct was telling him that there was a way to get rid of them but at the same time, he was getting worried about his son. He decided to visit him as soon as possible.

Ooo0ooo0oo

**D'Jok's room on Akilian, late at night**

"Mary Sues?" the pirate's son asked, puzzled. "We used to have one of them every other month, yes, but now we are getting more and more of them. We had one two days ago, prettier than Meï, smarter than Thran, able to play perfectly even though she was blind, which was a bigger handicap than Ahito's, more determined than Tia, more hard-working…"

"I see what you mean" Sonny said quickly. "What do you do with them usually?"

"We lock them with Mark. They can stand having to spend time with an unpopular character so they run away quickly."

Micro-Ice, who had been sleeping up to now, opened his eyes and yawned. "Poor Mark, nobody deserves that… Hey, what's Sonny Blackbone doing in our room?"

"It's a dream!" his friend said quickly.

"Yes", the pirate added. "Be careful, all this suffering may make Mark become more popular, which could attract the Sues to him. On Shiloe, we just kill them all."

"You _kill_ them?" his son asked. "I thought you didn't believe in unnecessary violence…"

"This is not unnecessary violence. I have to go now. Good luck for your match against the Shadows."

And the pirate left, cautiously avoiding a pool of silver blood a Sue had left behind her.

Ooo0ooo0oo

**Shadow planet**

Sinedd was walking in a street, closely followed by the most beautiful woman you could imagine, blah, blah, blah, magnificent hair, eyes that changed color whenever she smiled, laughed or sneezed, a baby unicorn in her arms. "Sinedd, I am your mother and I survived the war!" she said for the umpteenth time.

"You're not!" he said, exasperated.

"I am! You inherited your football skills from me!"

"You can't be a football player! No good female player can have F-cups, it would be too uncomfortable for running!"

"They are magical boobs! Please, listen to me…"

He turned around and snorted. "Why would I listen to you? I'm a cool character so I don't need you! Go away!"

"But I love you! And I know I'll have an extraordinary destiny! And we'll get married and our children will become football players and…"

"You think you're my mom, and then you want to marry me?!!" he asked, disgusted.

She shrugged. "You're my adoptive son, actually. And I'm D'Jok's biological mom, too. It happened that I didn't die at the beginning of the Ice Age…"

"Lucky you. He'll be here for the match tonight", he said perfidiously before watching the woman running to the hotel where the Snow Kids were staying. Then he ran to the place he was sleeping, took his computer and made a call. The face of an ordinary-looking woman appeared on the screen. "Hello?"

"Scriptwriter? Tell you team I want to be killed in the first episode of season 3. Or pair me with a well-rounded canon significant other! Anything's better than those Mary Sues!"

The woman yawned. "It won't prevent the fangirls from resurrecting you or killing the canon partner, you know…"

Ooo0ooo0oo

**A Pirate spaceship, a few weeks later**

Artie and Bennett were waiting for the attack to begin. Their preys were lying at their feet, asleep, half-hidden by their hair that changed color every other hour, eyes as magnificent as… (insert purple prose here).

"Why do you think Sonny told all the Pirates to come to the Technoïd's premises with at least one Mary Sue each?" the younger Pirate asked, puzzled.

His friend shrugged. "He must have a good reason", he said.

Then their leader's face appeared on the screen. "To everyone: our hackers managed to break their security systems. This will be dangerous. You will put your Mary Sues in the Technoïd's premises without waking them up and then run away very quickly."

The two friends exchanged a quick look. Pirates could cope with any kind of danger but this was going to be tricky. "Do you think we can do that?" Artie asked.

"We have to," Bennett said. At their feet, the Sues were already yawning. Artie shook his head.

"They think we're cool characters! They'll marry us both ten times before we start! Unless…" He bent down and untied the crazy girls. Then he wrote something on a scrap of paper and locked himself with his friend in the cockpit. A few seconds later, a Mary Sue got up and looked around her.

"What are we doing here, Serenity Krystyan'za Alinazore Nexus? Oh, read this! "_The next Galactik Football cup will take place in ten minutes, in the Technoïd premises…_"

"Let's go at once, K'edhajitanila-rinesita!" the other one said. "Later, we'll go back in time and find your father, and save the world, and so on!"

They both left. In the cockpit, the two pirates were sighing with relief. They were nearly sorry for the Technoïd, though.

Ooo0ooo0oo

**The Snow Kids home, later**

The Akilian players were watching television. Callie Mystie announced the main news and ended with an unexpected event. "We just learnt that the Technoïd premises were destroyed last night by abnormal creatures." Images followed. The Snow Kids shivered.

"Even the Pirates can't make such a massacre" Thran noticed. "They must have been a hundred. Who could do that?"

"I'm just glad we don't have to cope with the same thing", D'Jok said.

_The end!_


	2. test

I tried to create a Mary Sue litmus test that would be specific to the Galactik Football universe. Here's the result, based on Merlin Missy's Gargoyles Mary Sue litmus test. I guess you know the principle: to test a character, add the number between brackets and so on…

**Section 1 - The Name Game**

Is the character named after you? (This can be your first name, middle name, or the name you go by in chat or irc.) If so, stop now. Put your pencil (mouse?) down and turn in your test.(10)

DO NOT NAME YOUR CHARACTER AFTER YOURSELF.

DO NOT NAME YOURSELF AFTER YOUR CHARACTER.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR EXCEPTION IS.

Is the character's name an unusual spelling of a more common name or word?(1)

Is the character's name unusual in another way?

A female with a male-sounding name?(1)

A name the character chose for him or herself, because s/he "didn't want to forget"?(1)

(Touchy with GF characters, but use your discretion. Would any self-respecting person really want to go through life with this name?)

Does the character have a really cool name that you wish you had?(1)

Is the character's name in the title of the story or is the title otherwise a description of the character? (i.e. "The Story of a Survivor")(5)

Does the character have more than one name? (i.e. a nickname or a pseudonym that other characters use to refer to the character)(1)

Did you spend more than a day looking for just the right name?(1)

Have you considered naming your pet or child the character's name?(1)

Section 2 - Physical Attributes

Is the character the same gender as you?(1)

Is the character from the same racial group as you?(1)

(Note: if the character is from another planet and does not look human, answer yes to this question.)

Is the character a hybrid of two or more planets?(3)

Is the character a cross-breed of any other type? (i.e. multi-racial, multi-clan)(1)

Is the character not subject to limitations normally put upon someone of this species? (Examples: Someone who gets the Smogg without any personality problem. A pirate with a Flux.)(4)

Note: Take away four points if the character does not have the benefits of being part of the race but still has the drawbacks. (Example: Someone who never plays correctly with the Smogg but gets sick anyway.) Take away only one point if the character eventually does get the benefit, anywhere in the story series.

Is the character a teenager or in her/his early twenties?(1)

Does the character look like s/he is a teenager or in her/his early twenties for no apparent reason(2)?

For a magical or special scientific reason(2)?

That you plan on making a plot point later?(1)

Does this sentence or similar appear anywhere in your story? "(Character's name) was the youngest person to ever become (insert job title here)."(5)

Is the character the age you would like to be?(1)

Is the character beautiful or roguishly handsome?(1)

Does one or more of the regulars find the character highly attractive?(1)

Do other regulars see him/her as a threat because of this?(1)

Does the character have an unusual eye color for no apparent reason? (golden and amber count, yes, unless the character is related to Rocket and/or Maya)(3)

Will this be a plot point later?(1)

Does the character have really nice hair that you describe more than once, or on the first page?(1)

Does the character have an accent which you do not share?(1)

Does the character have a scar or a strange marking that is noticed by another character, but does not actually detract from his/her appearance?(1)

Is the character deaf, mute, or both?(1)

Is s/he no longer deaf and/or mute by the end of the story/series or else dead? (subtract 1 pt if character is alive and still deaf or mute at the end of the entire series)(3)

Is the character otherwise physically disabled? (anyone who says "She's so pretty that it's like a disability because everyone hates her or wants to have sex with her" will be summarily keelhauled)(subtract 2 pts)

If so, is the character still a good football player? (4)

Is the character no longer disabled at the end of the series, or else dead?(1)

Is the character mentally disabled? (read: at the functional level of Forrest Gump or below)(subtract 2)

Does the character have any telekinetic, telepathic, or other psychic powers that are not a Flux despite / because of this disability?(3)

Is the character overweight? (not just "I ate too many Snackwells and now my thighs are HUGE, but honestly overweight)(subtract 2)

Is this remarked upon by another character who is not motivated by jealousy?(subtract 2)

Is the character no longer overweight by the end of the series?(4)

**Section 3 - Personal Traits**

Is the character the long-lost child or descendent or sibling of a regular or recurring character?(1)

Of Sonny Blackbones?(1)

Of another original character for whom you intend to write another story or even another series?(1)

Was the character adopted or did he/she otherwise live with people who were not his/her parents as a child?(1)

Is the character a Pirate or a friend/ally of the Pirates?(1)

Add points for each aspect seen somewhere during your character's life:

- abandoned by caregivers(1)

- born or forced into slavery(1)

- born or raised in extreme poverty(1)

- sole survivor of a calamity(2)

- physical abuse(2)

- sexual abuse by a caregiver(3)

- rape(3)

- member of a "despised" class or race(1, 2 if it is a plot point of the "I can make a contribution even thought I'm ... " variety)

- illegitimate birth(2)

- later parent of illegitimate child(1 pt each)

- any other life experience inspired by V.C. Andrews(3)

Does the character beat the regular in their specialties (more intuitive than Sonny, a better passer than Rocket…) (2)

Subtract 2 points if the character beats the regulars for bad things (more immature than Micro-Ice, more prone to speaking without thinking than Artie…)

Does the character suffer from guilt about something terrible that s/he did in the past?(1)

Do the other characters eventually convince her/him that it was not his/her fault?(1)

Does the character share your religious beliefs?(1)

Did the character have an unusual birth or unusual experience in early infancy? (i.e. abducted, placed in a basket and set afloat, visited by Three Weirdos, etc.)(1)

Does the character have a twin, a clone, or a sibling of the same gender?(2)

About whom you plan on writing another story later?(2)

Does the character have a very good singing voice?(2)

Or play a musical instrument amazingly well?(1)

The guitar or flute, for instance?(2)

Does the character have better taste in music than you do?(1)

(For example, does your character own cd's that you think educated people ought to own, even though you've never actually listened to the music yourself?)

Does the character do what you do for fun or profit?(1)

(This includes having the same job you have, or would like to have when you're older, or having a job that sounds like a lot of fun even though you know nothing about it. It can also mean RPing, computer programming, whatever.)

Is the character royalty of any type?(3)

That she/he does not originally know about?(3)

Is the character more the life and soul of the party than Micro-Ice?(1)

Because Micro-Ice is your favorite character?(1)

Does everyone end up liking the character (among the regulars you like)?(1)

**Section 4 - Super Powers and Flux**

Does the character have a Flux?(1)

Does he/she have the Smogg?(1)

Does he/she have an artificial Flux?(2)

Does he/she have a Flux nobody heard about before or a long-disappeared Flux that it not the Breath?(1)

Does the character have magical/mutant powers even though he/she doesn't have a Flux?(2)

Does the character have telekinesis or telepathy? (Twins count.)(2)

Does the character just "know things" for no apparent reason?(2)

Can the character fly?(1)

Without the aid of wings or fluxes?(2)

Can the character heal with a touch and/or thought?(1)

Do animals (especially fuzzy ones) instinctively like the character?(2)

(Subtract two points if the only animals that like the character are non-butterfly insects and crawly lizard-types.)

**Section 5 - The Love Connection**

Does the character fall in love with and/or have sex with Micro-Ice and/or Sinedd?(2)

Because you want to have sex with Micro-Ice and/or Sinedd?(1)

Does the character fall in love with and/or have sex with another recurring character from the show?(1)

With whom you would like to fall in love and/or have sex?(1)

Does the character fall in love with and/or have sex with another original character?(1)

With whom you would like to fall in love and/or have sex?(1)

Does the character's presence (eventually) make Rocket and Tia (or Meï and D'Jok or Meï and Thran or any other pair of canon characters) realize they were meant for each other?(2)

Does the story end with the character's wedding?(2)

**Section 6 - The Real World and Your Character**

Would you like to be friends with the character if you met in real life?(1)

Do you think everyone who reads the story should automatically like the character and want to be friends with the character?(1)

Do you think the show would be much better if your character was part of it? (2)

If someone tells you he/she doesn't like your character, do you take it as a personal attack on you?(1)

Do you ever pretend, just to yourself, that you are the character, with the same strengths and abilities?(1)

If someone calls your character a Mary Sue, do you immediately assume they're jealous of you?(3)

**Section 7 - The Fiendish Plot**

Do you introduce the character on the first page of the story?(2)

In the first sentence?(1)

Do you tell the story from the character's point of view, all or mostly?(1)

Is your character a GF player? (1)

Does the character meet the Snow Kids and/or the Pirates, and after a few tense pages of plot, become friends with them?(2)

Does the character manage to develop a friendship with an otherwise villainous character, and through this friendship, reform the other character?(2)

Is the villain in question Sinedd?(1)

Does the villain become evil again after the character dies, but retain some last vestige of goodness from his/her interaction with the character, evidenced in one selfless action at the end of the story?(4)

Is the character transformed into a magical or genetically-altered being?(5)

Is the character happier in her/his new form?(1)

Do people like the character better in her/his new form?(1)

Do you wish you could be transformed because of the neat powers?(1)

Does the character use a Flux outside football and get away with it?(1)

Easier than Rocket in season 2?(1)

Does the character save the day and/or another character's life?(3)

Through magical/mystical intervention?(1)

Through using his/her Flux outside the fields? (1)

Through losing his/her Flux? (2)

Through dying? (3)

Through almost dying?(2)

Does everyone go into mourning?(1)

Does s/he get not-dead by the end of the story?(4)

Will s/he get not-dead in the sequel?(4)

Does the character go to Shiloe at the end of the story?(2)

(no points if the character came from Shiloe at the beginning of the story)

Does the character end up living with the Snow Kids?(2)

Do you plan to write many more stories revolving around this character?(2)

Do you plan to write one or more stories featuring this character's child(ren)?(2)

**Possible Points: 170** (assuming some questions obviate the rest) Preliminary testing suggests the following basic scoring scheme:

0-14 Developed character, unlikely MS.

15-20 Borderline character. Characters in this range are potential MS's, who can go either way dependent on the author's skill.

21+ Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Proceed with greatest caution.

35+ Reconsider your character and plot. Please.


End file.
